THE YOUNG SOPRANOS PART 2 (CONTINUED)
THE
YOUNG SOPRANOS
PART 2
"The Last Great Gangster Funeral"
II
MOUNT PLEASANT
CEMETERY
II
"LETS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE VITO!" A.J. laughed jumping in the front passenger seat having his hands full balancing a box of assorted donuts & the stuffed bag with Mr Monte's Good Tidings 2 red-pack cartons of cigarettes & a fat roll of instant lottery tickets.
"CHRIST!"--(WHAT?!) A.J. reaches around under his jacket to pull out the masked robber s pistol from his back. "I shoved the GLOCK up my ass--I forgot all about it." Tossing it down on the seat between them as he reached to pull the car door shut & peered over his shoulder to see Neesha standing inside the glass door waving shyly. "GO!"
"WHERE?!" Vito asked as he laughed pulling away from the trashy fuel pumps deliberately slow & cautiously before pulling out.
"Go South down towards Little Italy--& FUCKING STEP ON IT!" A.J. grabs his bulging crotch with both hands laughing. "Goddamn it--I will have Blue-Balls the rest of the day!"
"What? Did that incident with that street gang punk give you a Hard-on?!" Vito digs his big brother.
"NO ASSHOLE!--THAT NEESHA DID! " A.J. glares & grins at the same time. "DRIVE!"
A.J. dumps out the full bag unto the car seat atop the handgun. "To the Victors go the Spoils!" A.J. quates Julius Caesar as he opens a carton of cigarettes & tosses Vito a pack "Here."
A.J. directed Vito encounter to the rural Mount Pleasant cemetery to pay & secure a final resting place for Uncle Junior remains on June 15th.
Then as they departed A.J. tells Vito to drive South to St Lucy's Catholic Church on 2nd Street in Little Italy--Newark.
"When was the last time you made a Confession or had Mass?" (FOREVER AGO--Why?) "I just wondered." (How about youT.?) "FOREVER TOO."
A.J. & Vito entered the front portal doors to meet with the Parrish Priest Father Paulo to make funeral arrangements for a closed casket public showing on June 14th. & The Burial Blessing & Graveside Ceromony at Mount Pleasant Cemetery on June 15th.
After agreeing & securing the Church & Funeral Services A.J. gave Father Paulo a fat envelope to take from his hand with a 10K$ donation inside.
Then A.J. tells Vito: "Give the Priest 200$ more for the organist." Vito grins at A.J. as he takes out his small money-roll from his front pocket to peel away two leaves of lettice. (BLESS YOU BROTHERS!)
"YEA.--YOU TOO FATHER!" The two brothers shake hands with the accommodating Priest to make their swift exit. "Let's bust out of here before lightning strikes!"
A.J. pats Vito on the shoulder. "I'm glad we got all that shit over with! Now let's go pay Hymie Hyle in East Orange a visit. I will call ahead & order a deep pan-pizza to pick-up & take with us there. Fuck.--I'm hungrey as Hell! & I know V. I'm always hungrey!" The two brothers agree laughing.
"So what? Did you actually purchase that small Crypt back there at Mount Pleasant Cemetery?"
"Yep. But it's not so small there are four rows of five slots high for 20 corpses. I got it for a deal--50K$ CASH for the rest of all eternity!" Vito smiles at him. "Now it's the "Tomb of the Sopranos."
"How did you find it?"
"My new realtor agent Jewel Skiff found it. The family that owned it relocated out West somewhere & exhumed the bodies to take with them.
The starting price was at 100K$ & no one had taken interest in it after a decade of being empty so Jewel struct a cash price with the cemetery director like that. Shes a real "Go-Getter" that one!" (Is she?!) "Yes she is! Professionally of course!" (Of course!) "DRIVE--IM STARVING TO DEATH OVER HERE!"
III
"HYMIE--MY MAN!" Vito mocked smiling & mouthed out A.J.'s greeting as he entered into the funeral home office behind him carrying two large pizza boxes & a six-pack of green bottled beer. "LUNCH?!"
"So tell me now Anthony about this "Grand Caper" that you so badly need my assistance?!" (Yes Brother--Do Tell!) Vito sat up in the brown leather couch with his pointed elbows on his knees to listen.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind A.J.?!"
"NO. I don't think so? But what if I am--How would I know?!" He warmly grins in response.
"You would know because Vito & I are telling you that you are mother-fucking crazy!' (I didn't say anything!) "Well you have to be thinking it then?!" (No. If that's what my brother wants then that's what I want.) "Jesus Fucking Christ--You both sound like you bumped your heads together alittle too hard somewhere along the line."
"SO?!--ARE YOU IN?!"
After a long pause Hymie looks up & smiles: "Fuck A.J. Yea I'm in. But--(But what?!) "You are still one crazy ass motherfucker! (& So what's that make you?)
"Not as crazy as you my friend--You need me too much not to be to accomplish this!" (I know. That's what I said to begin with!)
A.J. stands to hug Hymie & shake hands on it. "We are a team Hymie--You & I (& Vito)! I will be in touch. You can have the rest of that pizza. We have to run."
A.J. opens the lid of Hymie's empty desk top cigar box & pauses for Hymie's permission. (Go ahead-grab two for both of you!) A.J. hands Vito his blindly as he rolled the cigar under his nose to sniff--inhaling deeply. Holding up--"Thanks Hyme!'
Waving for Vito to follow him out as he told Hymie how they had to keep moving with his arm around his neck:
"I haven't been to the office yet today & we still have to go tell our Aunt Janice the Drama-Queen with all her crocodile tears & sobbing about Junior passing. She will first appear shocked--covering her mouth then the tears & gasping to hold back from crying until she is crushed & overcome with grief!
But afterwards she will want to know exactly how much money Uncle June left her in his will! She is the real life "Angel of Death!"
BREAKING
HEADLINE NEWS:
"Hezbollah Isn’t Just in Beirut. It’s in New York, Too."
"Ali Kourani a member of 910, also known as Islamic Jihad or the Black Ops of Hezbollah was Apprehended & Arrested on Charges of Covert Terrorist Sleeper-Cell Activities in the Bronx today.’”
"Kourani traveled to Lebanon, where hewas trained & used a rocket-propelled grenade launcher, an AK-47 assault rifle, a MP5 submachine gun, a PKS machine gun (a Russian-made belt-fed weapon) and a Glock pistol."
"Assistant Attorney General praised the outstanding efforts of the FBI’s New York Joint Terrorism Task Force, consisting of agents from the FBI and detectives from the New York City Police Department."
A.J. clicks off the car radio & silently staring aimlessly out the windshield. (WHAT T?)
"OH. NOTHING." (Are you Sure?) "Yea--Yea. Just Drive-- Except the windshield needs cleaned!"(YES. My Bad. We left in such a big hurry earlier from the Eleven7) "Yea. I know V." A.J. is briefly distracted as he groped himself.
"MY BALLS STILL ACHE!"
BY J. BECK
2024
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